I don't always want to look back
with a glance
it serves me at times to look back
to the past & stare
Like a stranger, I step into
what is now my history
I become my own present tense
I see a girl transition into a woman
I see her first love, her first heartbreak
I stay in those moments
I absorb them in ways I didn't back then
collecting stories my body still holds
but seeing them with new eyes
letting my myself feel the things
I once feared
Wanting them to fill me, so
I can store them, in memory not scars
I want to sit, whisper & promise my past self
It's going to be okay
because it always has been, &
it always will be
But she's not the one who only needs teaching
I'm the one who needs to learn
As I sit in my history
I sit with pain, knowing
it will serve me.
© Sia Jane