I love you very much and I appreciate you to your full potential and abilities. I will love you now, and tomorrow and I hope you let me love you forever. I am a lucky girl to be in love with you. I hope you know that. Whatever is happening with you right now, I hope to a god I don't believe in that it gets better for you, because I can't fix you. I wish I could but I can't. I just don't want you to leave this world without me, and it hurts me knowing that it doesn't affect you that way. But I get it, depression tears us apart and shows the world our scars and all our flaws. It shows them who we really are. Depression is a prison we are locked in and the key is in the hand of our enemies. But hope, hope will set you free, someday, maybe not today or tomorrow, next month or year. But one day, you will be able to look at the sky and smile, not because your forced to, but because you genuinely feel like smiling. That day will come, and you won't even realize it came. I'm in love with you for all the right reasons, and the wrong ones too. I'm in love with the thought of death too, it haunts my dreams as much as it haunts yours. But my being in love with you, anchors my feet to this earth, and I know I could never leave if i couldn't take you with me.

What a lonely world
All of this seems
Every broken heart
Haunts our dreams
In the dead of night
I can hear my screams
Tearing from my chest
Tears are like streams
Flowing from my eyes
Midnight memories
Ache in my heart
What a lonely world

I lost myself
In you
Losing all of me
To become
Only a small part of
You
Lost in the ocean
Lost in the trees
Lost in the desert
Lost in the seas
I found my way
To a better
Place
With lost souls
And lost dreams
I lost myself
In losing you

I fell in love with him
Like the night sky falls in love with the moon
So quick and so dark

I see you in my nightmares
Every Time I close my eyes to sleep
I wake with your face imprinted on my eyelids
Awoken with sweaty palms and fear in my throat

I thought I was over it, I thought I was finally okay again. Then all of the sudden it's like the night it all happened hits me in the chest and knocks me off my feet. Losing my ground and the air in my lungs, I forgot how to breathe. And I'm sitting in my room as I try to write this down, and I know it isn't good enough. Everything seems wrong to say and all the words are making me drown. I want this world to end, but just for me, I want to see all the life in everyone else's eyes except mine. I don't deserve this world, it was never mine to deserve. And now that I'm staring at this screen trying to make all these words make sense. Maybe I'm trying to say goodbye, or hello for the first time. I haven't made up my mind yet. But I guess what's happening is that all this pain is built up inside my heart and I wake up to realize that it's never going away, I thought I was okay but I'm such a liar.

Please don't rip your heart out trying to save mine.