he was a storm.
he came rolling in at unexpected times
he made my skies dark and drenched me in my own tears
he caused a commotion inside my mind and then he would disappear
like nothing had ever happened.
he caused destruction of my mental state and I wondered why for God's sake
he ruined everything in his path and didn't even bother to stick around and see the aftermath
he put out the fire inside my heart
he left me in the dark
like nothing had ever happened.

All I know is that I lost myself
I lost who I was when I met you
And I don't mean that in a good way

I'm no longer the person I was
I've lost my smile,
My voice,
My wit,
And my spark.

I no longer see the beauty in the things I used to
The words in novels no longer engulf my thoughts
The artwork on the walls no longer catch my gaze
The lyrics of songs no longer make me sing along
The people around me are no longer people that I can confide in

I could write more but the letters of the alphabet don't arrange in such a way that I could accurately express how you have changed me

When you left, I left too
But only one of us ended up okay

I know you're not good for me
but I secretly hope
that everytime my phone buzzes
it's your name that pops up

I know that you hurt me
more than once
but they say when you love someone
you never give up
no matter how much it hurts

and you hurt.
you hurt more than physical pain
your words continue to linger
you're the reason I'm not sane

but I love you
in an unspoken kind of way
in hopes that one day
I'll find the right words to say

I transport myself
into a world that is a figment of my imagination
an irreplaceable destination
where I go to live vicariously through people
that don't even exist
but I still wish I was them
and I wish that their world was mine
and my world was nothing but a bad dream
being torn apart at every seam
but unfortunately that's not true
because in my world
there's no fine line
between what's real
and what we try to conceal

My skin fragil and smooth
Muscles toned and tight
Stretched over bone
My heart it beats

Fast and hard
You lay beside me
You tear at my skin
Down threw the skin and bone
My muscle is no threat
You go right threw that

Deep to my heart
Once there you collect