a deadname is not just a name
it is a person that you want to forget
that person lived the most tragic life
and that person died the most tragic death

“deadname, deadname!!”
the people all shout
but that persons gone, finding their own way about

instead, they were replaced by another
with a more comfortable smiling face
who will follow their own lead
and can be who they want to be

my deadname does not represent ME.

you said “maybe
if you
          let it out
a little
         more
you wouldn’t
       explode.”

But
        you
                don’t
understand.
    ­            I
                    cannot
      let it out
                  slowly
like air from a
                       balloon.

all too much it’s all too much it’s always too much it’s too much too much too much too much too much too too too too too too t

“could you please
pretend that nothing happened
release me from my past as it is holding down my present”

“could you please
pretend that nothing happened
let me see the goodness in others without letting grief set in”

“could you please
pretend that nothing happened
erase all of my bias towards life being pleasant”

“could you please
pretend that nothing happened”

i tell the world with tears in my eyes
because nothing can erase it

i remember your
voice
like it’s a
butterfly

i wont let it
fly, fly  
away


i remember your
touch            
like it’s a                      
ghost

i wont let it                          
float, float                  
away


i remember your        
perfume        
like it’s a                      
fog

i wont let it                        
drift, drift                    
away


i remember your
love
like it’s a
parasite

i wont let it
go, go
away