every night i see you in my
dreams and you write to me
sometimes and it makes me
feel as though the earth beneath
my feet was tugged from
me and i keep falling onto
shards of broken glass and cracked
heartbeats and yet there's this
cavernous hole in the gap in
my chest from where i tore out
my heart, shredding the threads
keeping my heartstrings together
so they could hold the wounded
***** there and throwing it to
the blood-eyed devil who
swallowed it whole and i am nothing
without the pain which has
molded me from ash and dirt
and dust

but i wonder
why love is still a thing to yearn for
especially because it hurts so bad