I'm really struggling to find a way to start,
a way to let out what I have trapped inside.
And I'm wondering every moment that I type
how you'll take this confession that my fingers create.
I'm sorry, you know, sorry for the pain this will cause
and the havoc it will wreak upon your life.
And on mine.
I beg you now, before this all comes to light
to not send me to a clinically white room,
full of strangers and a clipboard that might
just destroy my life as I confess what's within it.
I've started to get off topic, I know that much is true
and I'm still struggling to find the words to say to you.
I'm putting it in a poem with artistic license,
so the dread that climbs my throat can be compared
to a monster without me facing a persons laughter.
so that the weight in my veins can be water through a stream
that is slowly seeping and drying away.
I hope that you understand what I'm referring to.
I don't want to say it aloud, I don't want to make it true
but I think the least I can do is to tell you
how the fear and pain eats me up from within.

I'm drowning and I cannot swim.