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Calls my name

It's calling my name

Soft as a whisper

But I muster up the strength

and walk away

 

Its calling my name

Yelling and screaming

as if I don't go to it I will die

Screaming a blood curdling scream

Threatening me with all of its being

but I find the courage to walk away

 

Its calling my name in every conversation

gently caressing my face

as it says sweet things to me

Trying to convince me its a good idea

but a sigh and a count to ten

I walk away

 

Calling my name in every laughter

tickling my belly

reminding me of the old times

All the old laughs and jokes we used to have

But I push it away and walk away

 

Calling my name as it wipes away every tear

telling me all the lies it has always told

" I'll be there for you"

" Trust me, we can change the world"

"This time won't be like the last"

"Just trust me"

But I push it away and walk away

 

It calls my name as my world is crashing down around me

whispering everything I need to hear in my ear

Making me smile when tears fill my eyes

I let my walls come down

I still resist it

pushing you away

then pulling you closer

it's touch slides down my throat with a sense of comfort

 

A rush of guilt floods me

As I welcome it back in to my life

 

Just as I said it would never be apart of my life again

I can't leave it behind for the night

It shall come home with me

Come to bed with me

And never leave me

 

As I allow it to touch me deeper and deeper

Ignoring the effects on my judgement

Ignoring what tomorrow will be like

Because tonight

It holds me close

 

With a comfort no other being has ever given me

It whispers my name in my ear

in the most beautiful tones

How can I ever say goodbye

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Written by
nena-twedell
Published
Sep 19, 2014
Lines·Words
52·338
Tags
#alcohol#goodbye#guilt#name#recovery#resistance#calls
Permission

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