Apologize

i apologize for the way i can't hold my own at a party with too much smoke and alcohol and how i told you i loved you when those were the last words you wanted to hear i apologize for the way i screamed at you and relentlessly hurt you because i couldn't find a way to cope with my own personal demons i apologize for never being happy enough for you and not laughing when i should and crying too much over the stupid little things that made you roll your eyes and i apologize for trying too hard for not trying enough and for the times where i didn't care if you were even in my life because i was too stuck on myself to see that someone actually did care i apologize for pushing you away and making you leave because when someone loves me i don't know how to deal with it and eventually i let it eat away at me until all that's left is me in crumpled up pieces of paper on the floor i'm sorry i loved you

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