Five: Kindergarten A time we are asked to draw our future lives Our future families But while kids are drawing houses with their future spouses I draw myself alone in a house All Alone And I didn’t know why
Six: My teacher tells the class to describe their future families To describe the children, spouse, and/or pets we want to have But I say I don’t want a husband or children of my own I just want a pet that understands me I get stares But I don’t think I’m different This is when the bullying got worse When the mold of my face was plastered into the playground mulch When I grew distant from others.
Seven: Second Grade A time where the wedding bells are ringing Where kids are getting “married” left and right But when a boys asks me to marry him I say no It’s not that I didn’t like him I just didn’t know why
Eight: Third Grade A time where we make friends A time to explore who we are Kids were “asking each other out” and holding hands at recess But I didn’t want that When a boy came up to me and tried holding my hand I let it go Becoming increasingly uncomfortable And I just didn’t know why
Nine: Fourth Grade One of my worst times Getting bullied so much that the dial couldn’t be turned up any higher The frequency already alarmingly loud to me Yet no one did anything I stood alone But I was comfortable and I didn’t know why
Ten: Fifth Grade The bullying continued Small rumors got around that I liked girls They didn’t go very far Seeing that I pushed away everyone that ever tried to approach me I wasn’t lonely I was content no one wanted to hold my hand Or ask me out And I didn’t know why
Eleven: Sixth Grade We are given “The Talk” this year We must watch the movie without laughing or fidgeting Or we have to watch it again I watch the movie and become increasingly uncomfortable Feeling the ***** rise I no longer feel okay And I wonder This is what people do So why don’t I want to
Twelve: Seventh Grade I’m starting to understand Believe in myself That I’m different I realize now that I don’t really like boys Maybe I’m lesbian? Does it matter? Whatever it is, I keep my mouth shut Afraid of any torture that may follow Maybe the rumors in fifth grade were true
Thirteen: Eighth Grade Relationships rise in intensity Boys and girls kissing I still believe I like girls But not normally? I seem to have closer bonds with them But ****** ideas and thoughts never enter my mind This broken down ***** Questioning its every move
Fourteen: Ninth Grade Freshman Year Where Hell begins Where I am finally understanding myself, my preferences Digging deeper into my heart Clinging to this broken up, already defeated ***** That just beats in my empty chest to make me go through more pain I do my research. Lesbian? No, I don’t like ****** actions that much Asexual? The description seems to fit me well Finally being the mold I needed The mold to help put my pieces back together. But who can I tell? No one Because no one will understand.
Fifteen: Tenth Grade Sophmore year where bullying is an everyday struggle I do more research Demiromanticism calls my name Where I feel romantic feelings for someone I grow close bonds to And if I only grow bonds with girls Then… How will my parents understand? My friends? The beings that I cling onto everyday just to keep breathing. They’ll never understand what kind of a freak I am
Sixteen: Eleventh Grade Junior year I come out to Callan, one of my best friends And things didn’t go as expected They accepted me With open arms that I thought for sure would be closed It was the first time I felt free I came out to more of my friends And then came my family I expected them to not understand But they were willing to listen Enough to accept me Well I mean … “accept” me I could tell they didn’t fully believe me Both plaguing me as a lesbian. Someone I’m not But I dropped it And let them have their vision of me This personality whom I’m not and never was. I now fully understand who I am, but they They seem to think they know me better than I do
Poem inspired by Patrick Roche’s “21” poem. Basically my story of dealing with my sexuality, but in poem form so yeah! =^_^=