Around this time of year when the sun and shorts come out I remember the past. Others are looking forward while I'm looking behind. In afternoons in sun soaked classrooms I look down at my ankles and wrists and I awkwardly shuffle to cover the past. I remember two years ago, and the depression I never quite recovered from. I tug on my sleeves to cover the marks least anyone notice the fading white scars. I remember the razor blades and blood soaked sheets as I pour out my feelings and body on to the pages. I remember the tears and anger, and confusion because why would a sweet girl from a good family and nice neighborhood ever do this to herself? I remember wanting to tell someone but never feeling like I could ever trust anyone again. I remember my hopelessness. I run my fingers over the crosshatching, for the vagueness of my memories, the scars feel so real. And the past comes alive to me in these afternoons when I remember exactly two years ago. And today as a similar situation arises and for the first time is a long time I longed for that ache. But instead of stiffing through the archives to find the rusty razor blades, I close my eyes and whisper to myself "You are strong. And you will wear these scars as a reminder of how strong you are, and how you survived."