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May 2014
Once again,
I wake in the morning
and before i even take my first breath
i text you,
you get mad if i'm late.
Once again,
I tell you what im gonna wear
so you can approve it
wouldnt want anyone hitting on me.
now would we?
Once again,
i head to school,
and i'm finally free
from the tyrant that controls me
Once again,
school ends
i go straight home
no friends allowed
they dont like you.
Once again,
I'm home late
accusations fly
Another boy
Another smoke
Another life
Once again,
i take it
accepting each blow
Knowing the fight isnt worth it
Once again,
You calm down
tell me you love me
you went to far
Once again,
I'll accept it
repeating the word love
though its meaning is twisted and faded
Once again,
you'll say you need me
and i'll refuse
And Once again,
youll threaten
saying if i dont please you
you'll find someone who will
and i'll refuse
But Once again,
You'll guilt trip me,
i need to make up for the fight
it was my fault
please babe i love you
Once again,
I'll sucumb
trading photos
for conveyd love.
and after all is said and done
Once again,
you'll change me
demanding i grow out my hair
lose a few pounds
and do my makeup
Once again,
i'll agree
obviously hurt
tears in my voice
Once again,
you'll leave for hours
watching a movie
though i heard her voice.
Once again i'll cry
knowing you dont care
and talk to someone who takes the time to listen
Once again,
i'm told to dump you
they say i've changed
you control me
i'm just your game.
Once again,
you read the messages
tell me i cant see them
yell at them
pretending to be me
Once again
we were up till midnight fighting
Once again,
you blamed me for everything.
Once again,
i'm still up because the stress of pleasing you is taking its toll
Once again,
i'm forced to meet your ridiculous standards
Once again,
you guilt tripped me into submission
Once again,
i'm doubting us
Once again,
i'm considering leaving
Once again,
i'll forgive you
Once again,
ill take you back
Once again,
youll fill my mind with hollow apologies
and broken promises.
Once again,
i'll fall into a dreamless sleep
Once again,
the routine will start over in the morning.
Xander King
Written by
Xander King  21/Non-binary/Oregon
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