So 2014 has pretty much ****** 100% since it started. It's one of those things that I silently think to myself "It can't get any worse" but then catch myself because I know that's not true. Every few weeks it seems I am being dealt another situation to deal with in addition to the extreme burden I am already carrying around.

Life is so overwhelming right now I almost cannot even think about it all at once.  I do not want to trigger myself into having a panic attack. I am doing my best to take it day by day, sometimes even hour by hour. I do not even know which way to turn anymore or how to even start to cope.

I really have tried to trust others and rely on them for help and support but…honestly…maybe I do not know how to do that? Am I picking the wrong people or is it me??? Seems like I am there for everybody else but nobody is here for me now.

New symptoms, worrying about what it all means…dealing with ****** healthcare…doctors not as concerned as I am…seriously how much blood is normal to cough up before I can get a Dr to give a ****! Going on Day 3 of feeling like I have been hit by a semi-truck. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

I surrendered…