possesses a stillness I am jealous of
it is, simply
no questions or concerns as to how or why it came to be
it breathes freely,
"here I am, take me or leave me"

if only I could be what water is:
rapid, brave, moving with purpose
most times I sit between states of movement and stillness
and even as it changes, water,
it does so unapologetically
it is so sure of itself
as it transforms to snow
or boils under pressure
it makes the choice to move
to constantly transform and shift

I want to be as clear as water:
open and vulnerable
not vapid and transparent
when people see water they can see what’s beneath the surface,
but not far enough to the bottom
leaving the sand or swamp or pool tiles to conceal the truth
I wish when I held water between my hands
that the truth would stay behind
everything else would fall away
and I would hold that small piece of truth in my hands

water is cleansing and pure and uninhibited
and so I want to be the same
smelling like rain and winter simultaneously
to burn and yet also wash
to freeze time and space
to fill every vessel I inhabit and be safe

now I feel as though I am a
waterfall,
a riptide,
a tsunami,
raging and wrecking,
unable to contain my shape
I want to be a spring,
a stream,
or a fountain,
where people look for solace and don’t run in fear
where I am admired and gathered around
and not avoided for fear of drowning
I want to catch sunlight on the surface of my skin and reflect a prism of colours,
not a shadow of darkness and doubt
I want someone to drink me in and consume me,
and not boil me in a *** to evaporate

let me flow
let me course
let me land
watch me transform
but don’t let me freeze.