sometimes I feel like you're dead to me
you're merely a face from long ago that use to comfort me
and...
tell me everything would be alright.

why do I keep coming back to you?
holding on to the hope of seeing you again,
when you're smiling, breathing...
returning to that beauty I used to know.
back then, it was so unfamiliar.
the sound of being so close, that unwanted feeling.

now you are the one who is unfamiliar to me.
have you changed, were you a different person then?
was I close friends with a ghost,
whose hands I could not reach....
was it all simply an illusion?

why am I here? why are you here?
do I miss you... or....
do I miss... the old you?
the version of yourself that died long ago?

maybe things have changed too quickly,
and I've failed to catch up,
you have focused on yourself,
while I was wrapped up in my thoughts.

I don't know why I keep coming back to you,
or why I can't let go.
why is it so difficult?
just....
why?

all I know at this point,
all I've ever known is,
I was closer with you than anyone else... even more than her.
and when I cried in front you,
that created something special, a sort of bond that I had never felt before then and...
haven't felt since either.

you know that feeling too.
because when you become close with someone,
and you show them just how much of a mess you are...
it changes things, at least for me.

things change even more when that same person,
who's seen more of your flaws than anyone else,
decides to turn their back on you,
and call you horrible things.

saying "you're selfish", "you're a narcissist",
throwing insults at you while you're trying your best and trying to help.
but when it comes down to it, you have to take care of yourself too.
maybe that is the reason, I don't feel anything when I'm around you.

maybe that is the reason I'm with your ghost.
because the you that I had known is dead to me.