When I was young I fell silent when my parents said they loved me
Because with my upbringing, that couldn’t be  

Brushed away when alcohol and a rush of nicotine meant more
If they couldn’t care for me, what did they have me for?

Promises to meet for lunch, have weekend visits, and for the drinking to stop
Each one broken, another disappointment to top

“You’re my world, my reason for living”
“I’m trying my best”
I can only be so forgiving
And only when all you’ve done has been suppressed

As I grew, I struggled to cope
Would things get better, can I hold on to hope?  

I fear for the day that I get the call that my dad is dead
He doesn’t sleep, still drinks, and thinks he’s invincible
The constant worry of losing him living in my head
No matter the past, doesn’t he know he’s irreplaceable?

My mom is sick, worsening every day
I’ve seen her change before my eyes
Caring for my dying mom, a role I never wanted to play
How will I forget all that happened when she dies?

All my life I’ve craved what can’t be redeemed  
A healthy relationship to cherish forever
It pains my heart to see others get what I’ve always dreamed
Maybe one day it won’t hurt (or never)

“You’re so mature!”
“You have to be older than what you say!”

No, that’s just the trauma, the things I can’t forget
The things I haven’t healed from yet

For the rest of my days I will pay the price
Climbing a mountain that never ends
But what is life without a little spice?
A recipe for disaster that transcends