tw

i need a place to rot and breathe —
a place to spit out pieces of this heart
but i have fallen apart
in all the corners of this room;
each tile,
each yellow wall
reeks of the rain and burial wreaths and
there is no space left to taint,
no grave left to lay
this sorry poem on.

i need a place to rot and breathe,
but my demons have seen me
hold enough burials;
if they pick on my skin tonight
they will see layers of grief,
softly decaying under another.

i remember the first time
anubis laid kisses on my skin.
the second.
the third.
still, i wince in reflex
at the memories,
and maybe if i perfect all these staged funerals,
i will learn to kiss back, with total abandon.

i need a place to rot and breathe,
but t h e s e parts of sadness
don't get written
and my demons, they have pitied me
for holding enough burials
to last a lifetime.

tonight, they bury me.

somewhere, anubis smiles his kindest
and my name in a eulogy haunts
a church's weary walls.