in the dead of night
it always feels like
exhilaration
self hate leaves doubtful residue within me
it’s led me to deny god
how could he do such a thing to me
feelings equate the inferno of my past
to the blaze of my home
often thinking about how i did this
it’s my acceptance of less than love
that has created the deadly persona
practiced divination
to find the answers
of my self doubt
the stars say they shine for me
something in me doesn’t believe them
in me
the liar resides
happiness isn’t allowed
he’s dying though
i might be free soon