Jun 2020
You treated me like I didn't matter. You made me feel like you couldn't care less that I was hurting inside. I felt so alone. I felt like I lost everything good in my life. I just never expected something like that from you of all people. Never expected such treatment from you. You were my forever.
Everything I did, everything I said, any action that could have come across as controlling was only done out of love. It was all done out of fear of losing you, which is what happened in the end. It came out of fear of being pushed out by your parents, which is how it felt from the beginning, which is what happened in the end. Any fear that I had was shown to be valid, because I didn't want to lose you, and that's what happened in the end.
You say I attacked you? You're right, I did. Because I felt cornered. I felt put in a box in the dark in the closet. I felt like I'd been tossed aside, somewhere close by so that you could just pick me up again one day when it was more convenient. Even after I apologized to you for the things that I did wrong. By that time, you already decided that I wasn't worth picking up again at all.
That's how I felt. And I know you may not want to hear it, and maybe you're justifying every single thing you did in your mind, and that's fine.
It's how it felt. That's how it felt to have my heart ripped out.
Everything I did, everything I said, any action that could have come across as controlling was only done out of love. It was all done out of fear of losing you, which is what happened in the end. It came out of fear of being pushed out by your parents, which is how it felt from the beginning, which is what happened in the end. Any fear that I had was shown to be valid, because I didn't want to lose you, and that's what happened in the end.
You say I attacked you? You're right, I did. Because I felt cornered. I felt put in a box in the dark in the closet. I felt like I'd been tossed aside, somewhere close by so that you could just pick me up again one day when it was more convenient. Even after I apologized to you for the things that I did wrong. By that time, you already decided that I wasn't worth picking up again at all.
That's how I felt. And I know you may not want to hear it, and maybe you're justifying every single thing you did in your mind, and that's fine.
It's how it felt. That's how it felt to have my heart ripped out.
There's always two sides to every story. There's always two villains and two heroes. But sometimes it hurts more than it should because it feels like things wouldn't have happened the way they did if other things didn't happen in the first place. For a little while my poems will focus on this relationship that I had recently. It was a very beautiful thing and a very good thing in my life, but it ended in so much pain. So now I hope to turn the tears to art and write until I don't feel like I have to anymore.
