I am trying to move on. I'm doing my best. I think I'm doing ok given the circumstances. But I just can't shake you the way you shook me. I just don't know how it's possible. How do you go from being someone's forever to.... Nothing? I just don't know. I can't do that. I keep rolling things over and over again in my head. Did you even love me in the first place? Was all that joy and happiness and love.... Was it all just one sided? I really don't know. I didn't think someone could fake that. But maybe you could. I don't know.

I keep hoping that one day I'll just wake up, look at my phone, and there will be a text from you. There you'll be, telling me how sorry you were for everything that happened and that you just needed to do what was best for both of us and separate the emotion away, and that you love me. I don't know. But to think that you stopped loving me, or that you never loved me in the first place... It's just unbearable. Because I could never do that. I can't.

I just can't shake you.

I just don't know when it became too much. I don't know the point where you just... Turned it off. Where it faded. It never faded for me. Not for one fraction of a second. Even at my angriest, at my most hurt, my most devastated, I just wanted your arms around me. I wanted your hands in my hair. I wanted to burrow into you like I always have. I wanted you to tell me that you'll never let me go. I wanted you to tell me that I'm your honey. That I'm something else. That I'm your forever. Because you were mine.

You were everything to me. You were the best thing in my life. My favorite person in the world. I would have given anything to you, done anything for you. You held my whole heart in your hands. It was yours. And I don't know when you decided to throw it away.

I just can't do the same with yours, although I'm not sure it was ever truly mine in the first place.

I just don't know.