do you ever ache for the feeling when you first meet someone and you just know that they are gonna mean something to you. you can feel in your chest that this person will be important to you. you don’t know for how long but you know that they will be. and then the first time you touch not sexually but when you accidentally graze elbows or you bend your knee so that it falls just barely on his. and you both feel the energy between you and you don’t need to say anything because it’s unspoken it’s unspoken it’s unspoken that you will be someone to that person and you spend hours thinking about those tiny touches and how electric they are. the sound of your name coming out of his mouth sounds like honey and black tea and at night when you lie awake in your bed your mind is flooded with thoughts about him and everything that you might be one day because suddenly the world feels so much bigger and brighter and you just cannot believe that someone this beautiful could exist

because all i can think about is that feeling. my mind replays the first time i spent the night with you. it was 3 am on the last day in november and when i asked you if i could sleepover and you looked at me and said “does it look like i’m gonna let you go?”. you pulled me closer and held me so tight and in that moment i felt myself falling in love with you i really did

but you did let me go and now whenever i hear my name it sounds bitter and harsh and the world feels dark because i know someone that beautiful exists but he doesn’t want to be with me. and that i won’t ever get to relive those first moments with you. you forgot me like i never meant anything to you. and i remember you like you’re still holding on