I tear myself apart trying to be the best.

every day I go and try to be loved by those around me.
my desires to meet new people are selfishly driven by the desire
to show others the good parts of who I am.

to show you I am lovable.

every accomplishment, every compliment, every good thing I do
all I think is,
"that'll show her. I'm not that bad after all."

like I have to prove myself to you.

am I going to spend the rest of my life trying to show you why you should love me? why you shouldn't have left me here?

is every intimate worry I have wrapped up in the fact that I wasn't enough to please you?

-and i still can't even blame you