Today I thought about suicide
And what my life means

Am I depressed?
Or is this just me?

I fantasized
About how much better
Everyone's lives
Would be

Without me here
To disrupt the flow

Without my unpredictable mood swings
And negative energy.

If I'm not here
They won't witness my decline
Or subconsciously follow suit.

But they wouldn't miss much

I'm always tired
Or in a bad mood.

Their good memories
Will outweigh the bad
If I just leave quietly.

Right?

Would the pain of losing me
Pale in comparison
To the pain of watching me
Fail so miserably?

Would death relieve my pain?
Or would I have to relive it
Again?

Maybe I am depressed.

Or maybe I just need a friend.