I feel numb. That's the word to describe how I feel. Numb. I'm trying to trace back to a time I cried from laughter. I’m stumbling upon times I soaked myself in tears mourning the broken parts of me. I can’t feel my smile. I can’t feel my lips forming a smile. I can’t feel my cheeks hurting from smiling. Nor can I feel the love I once so proudly possessed. I feel alone in a world full of billions, I feel my self-hatred nibbling at my skin burning away the decent parts of me reminding me I will never be loved the same way I love.
My body is cold from a winter that’s never left. My body has permanently resided in this season. My soul feels frozen it’s worked it’s way up to my body in its entirety freezing the parts of me that were once warm. Now every ounce of warmth is replaced with reality. The bittersweet truth. That this is me. A mess.
I had a heart that would fit everyone in. Now I can barely let myself through the front door. I can’t trust I mean I betray my own skin. For the love of god, I need help.