I have a heavy kind of sorrow
from losing something
that was never mine to lose,
mind straying to what could have been
haphazardly dreaming about
scenarios that were never meant to be,
bending to the will of some unknown force
that lives inside me
and aches for the world to be different
than it was when I ran from
the words that haunt me at night
and I am wracked with guilt
for hurting those who only wanted the best for me,
letting my stuttering heart decide
what what would make up the rest of me,
even as I am drowning in the ocean
it put me in,
this sorrow keeps breaking me
repeatedly screaming what I may have done wrong
and I am chained to my body
losing something over and over again
that I have no right to mourn