june.

a year.
it's been a year since i have been a totally different person.
and i don't know if i should
thank you
or
hate you
for turning me into
this person that can't love
anymore.
this person that can't feel
anymore.
this person that doesn't care
anymore.

everything is flat and colourless.
everything is 1D now

and i miss those moments when
i felt everything so strongly that i wanted to smash my head against the walls.

i feel that now,
but out of frustration that
nothing wakes up in me.
nothing good.

only tar, mud and slimey walls.

i look in the mirror and all i can see
is a pale, skinny, vacant face.

and i pull myself
to be like before.
before you.

but she is so foreign from me
that i don't know how to get to her.
how to rediscover her.

and like this
i drag myself
from one day to the other
hoping that
tomorrow
it will be
better.

closed in a dark soundproof room
which i can't escape.

and you...
you think i'm hopping around picking flowers...