I was dead
Every kiss, from the beginning: empty
Nothingness
It was easy to feel nothing
Nothing was nothing

or maybe it was him...
Dead
The lies were rotting his insides
Plastic encasing his face

Or maybe it was me...
Pushing and pulling my weights on my ankles
They were toys, not chains.
And he didn't like that.

...

Maybe it was us...
Maybe we killed each other
Grinding each other into dust
Into nothingness

I wished I pulled away
but I so badly wanted to feel
So I kept forcing the gears to grind
I wanted to feel what my thoughts were screaming
"This boy is a God-send!"

Maybe that's why I buried my bible...

My spirits were slashed
I had rather we decay together
Than to loose faith in feeling

But faith isn't fact
because on paper we were vile
We needed to burn our book


...so I did


My insides caught flame
but I remember is the glow of the embers
The story distorts as new anecdotes are cached
All that pain for more numb nothingness.

My faith was placed wrong pile
I relished in the the absence
but the body that desperately wanted to feel
Was telling me from the start...

No flame
No spark
No love
Just blind faith
in numb nothingness.