The rope around my neck will never hold me up long enough to see God. The slits on my wrist that turn my bath water red won’t ever sound like songs sung by the choir. The bottles of water and pills aren’t the same as the body and blood of Jesus Christ, but I use them as they are. The bruises that cover my skin aren’t kisses from angels, but when you kissed them, I felt angels lips on my skin. When you spoke words, I felt God around me, and while you were inside of me, I felt holy. The times I spent on my knees felt like I was praying for your mercy, but unlike God, you won’t forgive my sins. So if I get to heaven and don’t see your face, then I will finally understand who you are. You left me with a tan line on my ring finger and a prayer on my lips.