on my way home the other day
one sat beside me and wept

saying how one felt so sorry
for how hard it must be
to be
psychotic
and I said

I. AM. NOT.

she didn't care
she didn't even bother to hear
cause I am what I am for seen to be

it's a simple misunderstanding

but when she looked up
and I saw her pale face
she was sad and she was terrified & seemingly
completely disfigured
this distorted version of her was sitting right next to me
pleading to me
so
I choked on back my tears
until I couldn´t breathe

I wanted to cry
tell her everything I´ve been holding inside
but the torment it would bring
to her from me
was too harsh of news to bear

to my fragile mother

she´s told me time after time
that the things I do are not alright
but she didn´t listen before
so what´s one year more
of living in utter horror

what do you think I´m trying to achieve
your happiness means the world to me
your eyes don´t light up like they used to before
and now I stay up late at night
listening for the door

when I got home yesterday
my room was torn apart
all of my things scattered along the floor
I thought to myself
I cannot do this anymore

I picked up my belongings
and tried to stay strong inside
I keep telling myself everything is going to be alright
I do not want to die

I knew from the start
he was going to tear us apart

I know I´ve been told
we can´t just toss him out on the road

but when you´re scared to walk around your own home

you feel lost and confused
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

I wait and wait for the day that I can move
so far away
I will miss you
so much
everyday

but things here aren´t okay
and for some reason, that´s how they have to stay