Could you love me?
I'm so deeply flawed
My skin is covered in acne and scars
I have a thick roll of fat around my stomach
That only disappeared when I wouldn't eat
My face is not symmetrical
My hair is always a mess
I used to think I was smart,
But now I know I was just proud
An arrogant girl
Hoping for pain to provide wisdom
Endlessly confused
About everything that could matter
Unable to function because of sickness
Paralyzed by illness
Then while healing
Aching to return to infirmity
Never wanting anything real
Just wanting to find a way
To drift off in a daze
Almost willing to trade life for sensation
If I were honest with you
If I showed myself
You'd laugh and scream
And never love me.