I breathe in sadness
like an addict
who has only been clean long enough
to know how much it hurts
to lose what once made you feel
more than you had in years
each sigh brings me deeper
drowning under the pain
until all I can remember the next day
is the smell of my tears on my pillowcase
and how much my bones ached
under the idea that I would never be clean again
looking for my next escape
as soon as the weight
eased off of my veins
and let some of the light in
that burned my throat
as it tried to bring me out
I am what I vowed not to be,
an addict to my own sadness