It used to be
That every day
Every waking second
Was full of pain
I was exhausted
And anxious
Constantly

Finally
I got myself help
My brain was unbalanced
So they gave me medication
Every night before bed
I pop it into my mouth
Swallowing

Amazing
It felt to finally be free
From the anxiety that crippled me
But after a while, it became normal
Still fine, but not so fun
I found I missed it
The pain
Anxiety

So now,
I do what I can
To embrace my sadness
To stimulate what it had numbed
Because I was used to being sick
And I remembered how good
That adrenaline could feel
Toxic and exciting