that you saw every part of me
fall apart like the house we live in.
i watched you freeze over
like a lake in winter,
when i asked
why my stuff was left packed
by the door.

sometimes i feel like a kid
running towards the cars,
without looking twice,
because you forgot to tell me i need
to look both ways.

i wish i knew then i shouldn't have to beg
to be treated like i'm wanted.
i need not reach for a hand
that slaps mine away,
or pulls apart like the sea from a shore
which begs to kissed.

i think you forgot love isn't all beautiful,
it's waking up to your stinking breath in the morning
and kissing you,
it's being in an multiple choice exam
but the answer i always circle is you.
it's being in the ring and
choosing not to throw the punches
despite the raw screaming,
and the crowd cheering.

i still catch a breath,
when i think how ****** up it was that
you drove me to see an old friend
you hadn't seen in years
and joked about our future like there was one,
when you were planning
on ending it the same weekend.

i still remember your stares,
the pebbles on the beach,
the kids ride you made me sit on with you
because you thought it would be scary
but the only scary thing was
you telling me you loved me,
when you hated me.

nowadays i get so angry when i hear
other people debate what love is,
when i've known and i've lost.
but i'm so ******* glad you never read
any of my poetry.
because that will be just another thing
you don't understand,
alongside what love is.