Larry Cook was a crabby old ******* almost as bad as the ******* he caught and sold off the waters on Knotts Island North Carolina.

Every other morning during the season he was up at the **** crack of dawn and on the water either pulling or baiting pots.

He worked hard, he drank even harder.

He was back at the marina went and sold his ***** paid his crew and hit the bar like clockwork.

If he made it home was never the question, now if he it made into the home most nights was.

He lived in a nice old house his neighbors thought he was a freak.
And he thought they were all a bunch of stuck up yuppie *******.

He passed out on the lawn.
But he didn't give a **** for it was his lawn to pass out on.

He sat there on his tail gate one morning after a good ******.
His next door neighbor just glared.
He cracked a beer and just laughed.

The neighbors seven year old kid walked up to him.
Larry Cook hated kids.

And they always seemed to be drawn to him for some ****** up reason .
Like a **** house cat.
Course Larry never hated ***** although that never quite seemed drawn to him like ******* kids.

The kid just stood there staring.

Larry just kept drinking his beer.

“My dad says you're a nasty old drunk.”

Larry just looked at the kid and almost laughed.

“Yeah that really hurts cause I thought me and him were always friends.”

“Really that's weird because he hates you Mr Cook.”

Larry cracked another beer.

“So what the hell you doing over here shrimp.”

Larry asked.

“I'm bored.”

“Really seems like you're also a bit ******* as well.”

“You shouldn't use that word Mr Cook its  offensive.”

Larry saw the kid’s mother step out on the front porch.
She had a look on her face as if her little bed wetter was speaking to the Devil himself.

“Well Frodo I believe you're mother wants you.”

“She thinks you're crazy.”

“Most women do.”

“She said that's why you're wife ran off and left you and cause you're a drunk.”

“Bobby stop bothering Mr Cook.”

Bobby's mother called out.

“Looks like the warden's calling kid.”

“Well Mr Cook I guess I better go.”

“Yeah **** for brains come back and visit when you can’t stay as long.”

“Mr Cook I don't think you're so bad aside from sleeping on the front yard and hating everyone.”

“Yeah thanks and tell your mother even though she’s a uptight *****, I still think she has a great *** and thanks for not drawing the blinds last night.”

The kid just looked at Larry oddly and shrugged his shoulders.

“Okay well talk to you later.”

Larry learned a lot of things from his conversation with the kid that day.

He only passed out in his back yard from there on out.


From my book .

Smoking At The Gas Pumps .

Soma Publishing