. . . I diluted myself for you I spoke less and moaned more I softened my spirit I offered up yeses that once would've been no's I held my tongue between ******* And wore pretty pink lace where there once would've been the blackest leather I put fewer cigarettes between my lips And instead pressed them together To keep you from remembering Why you didn't love me before I put on an apron To play my part I served you smiles on dinner plates And sipped white wine in place of whiskey I put hearts in a lunch box To keep you company through the day Then mourned who I once was While you were away
. . . I thought that if I was softer More feminine More pure That you would be kinder That I would fit better in your arms That if I didn't talk back My lips would taste sweeter That you would listen when I spoke I thought that if I became weak We could be strong That if slaughtered my Independence And laid it to rest at your feet That you would want to stroke my hair like you once had When I stopped standing my ground In the kitchen where I performed And let the peanut gallery at the table Critique my every adjective Only to curtsey before their taunts That when doors closed You would whisper that I had done well That your heart had space for me again I thought that maybe if I hid it when I bled You would leave the whiskey alone and finally come to bed
. . . But instead I committed a ****** I killed the woman that I loved I took a spirit and trapped it in a box made of yes dears and I'm sorries By replacing her combat boots with pointe shoes And her pride with warm baked cookies I slit her throat with a knife made of compromises Chained her ankles to the kitchen table and forced her to dance before lesser beings I made an arrangement of the wild roses that made up her lips And left her unprotected without any thorns Then cut out her tongue and made her watch in stunned silence when you trampled through the garden with clumsy careless feet I murdered the woman that I used to be Sacrificed everything just to find that you never loved me . . .
. . . But fear not, even the goldfish who lies belly up can swim again . . .