I've more New Year's behind me
now that I have gotten old
My next one's in the tropics
I just don't like the cold

I used to party hearty
I wouldn't get back home till five
Now, I pass out on the sofa
My wife checks if I'm alive

I remember  I went drinking
I got drunk riding the bus
When I told my friends the story
they said, dude, that wasn't us

I told them yes it was,
We all stayed out till late
They informed me of my error
I had passed out just past eight

New Years was  Lombardo
New Years...it was **** Clark
Two giants of the evening
Two men who left their mark

Now, incentive to stay up till twelve
To see who will Jenny McCarthy kiss
well, I liked her better as a playmate
now, I couldn't  give a ****

The morning will still get here
Whether I stay up, or not
New Year's eve is nothing special
I spend it with my wife (she's hot)

We cuddle on the sofa
Fall asleep as if on cue
With our tray half full of finger foods
We're asleep by ten, not two

I wish you Happy New Year's
My best wishes all are sent
If you stay awake past midnight
Call, and tell me how it went.