The first time a boy told me he liked me I was 19 I had never heard those words before foreign to ears that endured nineteen years of crosshatched scars on my self-esteem from broken records screaming things that made my knees weak years of youβre not worth it made me think that no boy would ever see me as anything but ugly written repeatedly on brittle bones. What was worse was when I told him we wouldnβt work afraid that no one could ever love me when they saw the disease growing in my mind self-hatred against darkening rage for a world that never understood what it meant to be less than its expectations it was letting myself down denying sunshine into my mind that spread lies like stars in the sky whispering things I misinterpret as truth wondering why there is a war against my brain and my body rotting with the thought that I would die alone against black landscape that would someday swallow me whole
There is a guilt in me that I can't explain for a boy that told me the truth but I didn't believe him