Cycling again
The same old spell I've been under for years
I start  to become more positive
Starts seeing the light of happiness
Yet it comes crashing down again
Over and over
I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of spiraling out of control.
I abuse and abuse
Drugs, alcohol,  and eating
I start not to take care of myself again.
Then it slows down
I pick myself up just to fall within minutes, days and sometimes months.
This  cycle lasts longer each time.
My habits become more  vicious
To the point where I don't know where I am
Don't care if I die
I just want to get higher and higher for this never-ending pain to go away.

Simply why can't I stop this madness.
I don't have dreams or goals anymore
I wish for one thing every birthday or every shooting star I've ever seen.
Just to wanting to be happy.

Just one time,
I would love to know what is life like without :
overthinking
being depressed
Not being angry.
Just a girl wanting to be normal.