I used to be abused and used for my gratification
Didn’t know being too nice was a bad situation and love was an optional feeling for people that loved to drain human beings for their own positive sanction
I was a sanctuary for your thoughts, constantly reassured of your flaws and every time my mouth hit the ground id say I love you so it would stop
I just wanted it to stop
I just wanted it to pause
I wanted you to feel the way I felt, the cards I’ve dealt, the way I fell, the heart that broke, the words unspoken, I’ve done so much here’s my token of real love you never ever felt because we were so broken
I thought we were together, sentences ended in forever, tethered by a forced part of my soul that wore protective leather and you said yes
Yes I’d do better
Yes I’d make this work
I’d land that job, I’d never hurt you again this is my promise, lets be honest, im not the best but I made you feel like ******* flawless, whether it was one week or one year everything was promised, but the bruises showed a different side of your conscious
I defended your honor, I made you look like a star, in the opposite light I was fetal in the dark, crying out for help as you reopen old scars, is what love is, have I made it so far?
Have I made it?
Is this what love is?
Just take it
Suddenly the blame is turned on me, I put myself here I deserve to be beat, maybe this time he’ll see, that the only way out is when I fall asleep
Dreaming of a better life, scared every night, maybe i’m wrong and he’s right, what if I deserve to be beat every night?
No.
You took my life from me and I’ll never forget how it felt to be held to a dead mans chest, and wish I could be free from this debt, feel real love in its whole before I lay my head to rest
But I wouldn’t do it different.
I wouldn’t ask Him to fix it.
I wouldn’t tell anyone that I’d go back and risk it.
You made me stronger than I ever could’ve been, I can defend myself now especially to him, and this I swear to the end of my time, the next person to walk into my life, I will love them unconditionally but I will take my time, and I will walk with my head held high, because I can say I made it out alive.
You didn’t **** me like you said you would, you didn’t hurt me like you said you could, and I’m the only one here that turned out to be good, and I’m good
Trust me I’m good.
I fell, I broke, and many times I choked and spit on my faith, but look at me now until I’m at the gates, and He is the only one who can judge my fate, but as He watched me enter He also watched me escape.