I get mad at you and it feels like storms brewing inside me
But you are not the cause
Merely an attempt at a sweet remedy
Sit still and wonder.
Know that I miss you and I’m not sure how
Or what to do with these emotions see I haven’t felt
Anything
In quite a while and this, well this is a tsunami when I’d hoped to start with just a
Wave.
Of clarity the storm clouds I wished would clear became stronger because now
Now
I can feel but it means I can feel sadness and regret and hurt and anxiety and missing you.
A lot stronger than
Before.
Know that I love you and what is more than that is that  
I feel that too now.
You make me feel alive but being alive does not just mean happy please
Please
Try and understand the madness and if you cannot please
Try and accept it.
For I want nothing more than to love you with this fire in my belly rather than be angry
Mad
Hurt at words you aren’t saying
Keep me at bay.
Keep me still.
Keep me calm.
You are my remedy
And being away is giving my time to think and see how ******* blessed I am and then
Then
I get mad and how
How can I treat this one this special one like he
Should know me when it’s been months
Of course he doesn’t.
At least he wants to learn.
Learn me each and every crevice in my mind every little loop of despair
And I wonder to myself now;
If I asked him what colour I loved
Would he know the answer?
Being away from you is hard when service means a shoddy good morning text at noon; a photo is a “look where I am today” and a call comes from the ****** phone box that takes my golden coins
But ******* I need your voice more than wealth so
I
Miss
You
And I don’t know how to comprehend it but my instinct is to push you as far away as I can stomach
So I can stop missing you
Quite so much.
So believe me when I say misplaced emotion betrays me and I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m trying  
I love you.
More than you know.