I’m sprawled on the couch,
The neon pink stuffed giraffe you gave me
Getting crushed in my strong, anxious grip.
14 hours with no text from you, but
I shouldn’t be worried, there’s a
Perfectly logical explanation for this.
Your phone died and you lost your charger, or
Your mother took your phone as a
Punishment for something, something as simple as
Not making your bed or not doing your homework,
Yet not knowing that she’s punishing me too.
Because I want this to be normal, a simple case of
A disobedient teenager.
But you’re not normal,
And I love you despite that.
No.
I love you because of that.
The last time you didn’t answer me,
You were having a panic attack, your worst one yet,
And you accumulated more prescriptions for your
Anxiety and depression,
More medications, more unreliable solutions to make
The real terrors disappear temporarily.
Then there was the time that your parents divorced,
And you wouldn’t speak to anyone for a week,
And you lost twenty pounds and gained five years,
And everyone who loved you, including me, was worried sick.
The worst was while we were talking on the phone,
And suddenly you cut out and wouldn’t answer
Anything I sent you, and later I learned that you
Tried to take your own life.
Suddenly, I leap up from the couch,
I can’t take it anymore, and march towards the door,
Needing to know.
Yet before I get there, it swings open on its own,
And suddenly you’re standing there,
Wearing my old, baggy sweatshirt,
Your hair in a frazzled mess,
But your cheeks glowing rosy with life.
Throwing my arms around you,
Squeezing you until you grunt in amusement,
I cry, “What happened?  Where were you?”
Pulling me back, putting your hands on my shoulders,
Gazing directly at me with tears in your beautiful hazel eyes,
You whisper, “I tried to leave this world again.  But then
I remembered my last text to you.  I promised
I would never leave you.  And I intend to keep my promise.
Forever.”