I have a deep fear
One I cannot get past
A fear that controls me
Making me distant
Preventing me from moving forward.
I’m afraid of love
Of making connections
Of being vulnerable again.
I’m terrified of opening up
Of showing people my heart
Terrified that they will leave
As so many have done before.
I'm alone and broken
left with only fragments
Of my shattered heart
Unable to pick up the pieces.
A brokenness caused by the very person
I once trusted to protect it.
I need someone
Someone to sweep up my shattered mess
Someone to love me.
But my fear prevents me
From letting people in
From asking for help
Because all I’ve grown to known
Is the cruel pattern of abandonment.
I’m desperately longing
To create something of substance
So that my heart can finally mend
To fill this emptiness
but I can't--
fear trumps desire
As I meet new people
people I want so badly to trust
people I want to love.
Fear hardens my heart each time
Stone walls to protect the remains
Of my brokenness.
The terror of falling in love again
Trusting people with my fragile heart
Being vulnerable
separates me from these beautiful people.
The fear I’ve created for protection
Only causes me pain.