I’m really unhappy once again

I’ve met some guys
In the age range I want
Online, in my area

They ask to meet up

But I can’t, I’m terrified

Not because they are old, I’d be just as afraid to meet up with a guy my age

But because I’m afraid I’ll spoil my fantasy

What I want is carefully outlined in my head
And if I meet a guy
Who isn’t as cute in person
Or doesn’t look like his picture
Or just isn’t what I’ve imagined

I’m afraid the most exciting feeling I have inside of me will die

And I won’t like anyone
And I won’t have anything to look forward to

I don’t feel depressed often
My anxiety is way worse and takes over
But right now the hopelessness is drowning me

My mind switches through different things to hate about myself and what I want

Give up, you’ll never find real love
Give up, you’d still be this unhappy at your healthiest weight
Give up, it will never be a great as it is in your mind

If it’s not him
It won’t be your fantasy
So quit bothering

Just let things be

You, alone
Quit chasing people who would never chase after you
No one will

Not even the man you left for good, who is still in love with you

Is that not proof enough?