i hear a lyric of you in every song i see you in every restaurant at every table in every passing car in every movie theater and grocery store but you're not really there not anymore i've always had a hard time letting go but i've never experienced something like this i talk about you like a lost love i feel you like a gunshot you weren't a muse but you were the pain behind every word you occupy my mind more than i'd like to admit i miss you when i shouldn't your smell haunts me along with sad violins the things we never got to do together the movie list we never finished all of the empty promises broken mugs ripped pictures i never got to congratulate you on graduating or take you to disneyland you don't know what my new dog looks like or that i got my first tattoo i don't really know you anymore and you don't know me and i think that makes me more sad than anything that the person i spent every minute with is someone completely new i also never got to say thank you for all of your hugs the music you showed me the jokes we had the times you really did save my life the times you gave me the reality check i needed and the times you cleaned my self-inflicted wounds and told me you loved me, you'll never know how much that meant to me you'd be happy to know i'm two months strong or would you? do you even think of me? i never got to apologize for the unintentional mean things i said and the intentional mean things i said the times i ripped your curtains down or screamed because i was afraid of losing you the times i went overboard all of my unwarranted apologies for feeling inadequate my jealousy which have all resulted in losing you which isn't all my fault but i'm no innocent bystander so like i said i miss you everything about you and us but it all happened for a reason maybe we were a flame waiting to be blown out but my love is still there and even though i won't reach out and i know you never will either and the realization that this is the end has set in i still love you and miss you and you'll never fully understand your impact whether it was good or bad you were someone that molded me that changed my course of life and who knows where i'd be if you hadn't broke my heart so here's to us and 2 years of friendship that we never got to celebrate but God knows i thought about you all day because i'm sad and lost and don't know where to go from here but i guess this is a start with my hands typing away as my heart sinks and i listen to a playlist that reminds me of nothing but you and our car rides it's a start so this isn't goodbye but a mere remembrance of you and all of the great things along with the bad because maybe if i continue to write to and about the ghost of you the tears on my pillow will dry faster.
i am well aware the title of this is also the title of a fall out boy song, that was intentional but all credits go to them if that's a thing? this is about losing my friendship with best friend of two years, it's going to be a long recovery process, sorting through the good, bad, etc... sorry i've been gone so long, life has been busy, BUT writing is my first love and i think with going through such treacherous heartache i should turn to it rather than bad things. much love ** as always, i hope someone gets something out of this or even just thinks it's nice.