I’m not going to lose anymore. I’m not going to take it in the gut without throwing a punch back. I’m not going to go down without attempting to get up. I refuse to lose you without burning myself trying to win you back. I refuse to look for refuge or safety like I used to because I found something I want to fight for. I refuse to let you go without staring down the chamber of a .44, looking you in the eye before you pull the trigger.
So if you pull the trigger, at least let me know why. If you’re going to **** me, **** me on my feet. I don’t want you to be my enemy. I don’t want you to be the anchor that pulls me down to the bottom again. I don’t want you to be a missed chance, or a “could have been” I don’t want you to become someone I resent, or a waste of time.
I know you’re looking at this. I know you’re watching and reading these words. You know what I want. It’s been a few weeks, but the time we spent is valuable to me. And dare I say it was valuable to you too.
I don’t waste my words. I don’t say things if I don’t mean it. I don’t lead people on. I don’t tell you I care for you if I’m just going to spit behind your back. I don’t say “I love you” if I didn’t put so much thought into what I was saying.
You’re right. We are different. But I was never looking for the same. I have enough of the same.
I want you because you teach me. You unlocked something I never thought I knew about myself. You taught me how to be vulnerable. You’re someone I didn’t know I could grow to love. And you have so much more to teach me that you don’t even know.
I know your time is precious, But want you to be mine. I never promised you forever - But I promised you one day at a time.