Trust me.
I'm no longer dying.
I'm fine because,
I'm no longer trying.
I mean I am.
Trying to be better, I mean.
I'm improving even if,
Sometimes I careen,
Towards the edge and,
I fill you with fright.
Sometimes I'm dramatic,
But really I'm alright.
Except when I'm not.
When I pick the scab open,
Then I really just need,
Something to hope in.
Scratch that, I'm all talk.
I'm just looking for attention,
I'm sorry I'm so childish.
I really shouldn't mention,
Things like that,
Moments that hurt.
It was selfish of me,
To put you on alert.
I'm fine.
Except when I'm not.
When I overanalyze,
And I drown in thought.
I don't need you to coddle me.
That's not your responsibility.
But I wouldn't mind it.
I'm a little lacking in stability.
Just forget it actually.
I don't mean to keep up this game,
Of cat and mouse, it's silly.
Frankly it fills me with shame.
I don't want to be needy,
I don't want to have needs.
I don't want to be anymore,
Don't indulge me, it only leads,
To me telling you things.
Things that seem much worse,
Than I mean them to.
Confessions that I rehearse.
Thoughts that repeat in my head.
Try to stop them, don't know how.
But they're just thoughts.
So I'll stop scaring you now.
I swear I'm okay.
Except when I'm not.
When the world is crumbling,
Every inch of me is pulled taut.
When it never stops raining,
I'm drenched to my soul.
I shake violently and can't stop,
Nothing can fill this endless hole.
I've given up on hoping,
And I can't describe how I feel,
I know that I'm in agony but,
I don't even know if the pain is real.
.
.
.
Hey I'm sorry.
Sorry for all of it.
In fact I never stop,
Being sorry for sins I commit,
For getting lost and falling short.
Point is, what I'm trying to say,
Is that I'm better now.
But trying is the part giving it away.
Because I can't seem to say,
I'm doing just fine,
Because I can never be sure,
Because I walk a fine line.
In the end I can't tell you,
What's up and what's down.
If a girl keeps crying suicide,
She looses the trust of her town.