What if I made a mistake?
What if my lack of feeling in general
Led me to make rash decisions
That threw away the possibility of an amazing future
What am I feeling?
I think I'm afraid
I'm so scared
This is regret
No matter how hard I try to deny it
The panic I feel in response to our memories
May be my terror in the potential of making an error
What if I didn't feel because I'm ****** up?
What if it wasn't you?
And it was actually me the whole time?
Or am I just scared of the unknown now?
Of the fact that I have no plan anymore?
That I'm alone and don't know what the future holds?
Because with you it was so easy
We would finish school
Then move away from this city of fear
What if we could have been happy?
What have I done?
I told my therapist that if I could go back I would've taken more time to figure out my feelings and make a decision
But I claimed it wasn't regret that I was feeling
But what if it is?
I'm too far into this mess to change anything now
You're so far away now
And after all I've done
There's no hope for forgiveness
There's no chance at our future
What am I doing?
I'm so afraid
I need help
I'm so scared
We were happy once
What if I'm just so broken
That I threw away both our lives
And another one too
Out of fear
My therapist says it was the feelings not the walls that led me here
But all I feel now is fear
And sadness
And emptiness
How can I trust myself when I can't even label my own emotions?
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry
This hurts so much
I'm so scared
I'm sorry