growing up they say
it's all about being independent
about living alone
about loneliness
and that's what im so afraid of
not of independence
not of living alone
but of the loneliness
of the loneliness that eventually
consumes me, takes me
that should make me proud of myself
because hey, i'm living alone
but just throws me back in
into this cycle of quiet, of thoughts
the cycle that drags me into the deep
dark corners of my mind
that won't let me escape
won't let me want to escape
because it's safe here
it's quiet
it's alone.

i know i'll be fine at first
figuring out my daily routine
my cycle, day after day
of school to home to gym
with some occasional happiness
of friends, of family
but in the end
it's just me, alone
the sulk on my face
never leaving
the tears in my eyes
always returning

and i'm afraid
that i'll be so deep
in the darkness
that i won't be able
to come out of it
that i'll be stuck there
seeing my life as nothing
more than lows with temporary highs

i need you
i don't want to be alone
i can't be
i won't be me if i am
and i'm afraid i never will

yes, i know you want me to be
independent
but i don't want to be
alone
because when i'm
lonely
i don't know what i'll do
to feel better