and im no longer afraid to admit that i am a fool for you. my old guidance counselor used to tell me that she hopes to die before her husband so she doesnt have to spend a single day without him and i used to think it was so silly but now, i get it. i get it. one day without you is twenty four hours of empty meals, twenty four hours of a dead phone with no will to be charged, a thermostat set to fifty because maybe ill freeze over. twenty four hours of love lost, twenty four hours of an endless what if what if what if what if you had pulled through just a little bit longer what if i was better at wording the jumble of thoughts in my head all the time what if i could kiss you one last time what if what if. what if i had gone first. it pains me to say that i think about this a lot, you see, a world without you is a world i hope i never have to live in.  the sun rises and sets in you, and i was taught this by none other than you the moment that you took me in and made me a part of you, you pushed me into your soul and i used to wonder what would happen if i couldnt get out but i dont want out anymore. i would rather stay hidden beside you than ever have to experience the harshness of reality alone. because the reality is, one day, i will be gone, you will be gone, everything i have ever touched will be gone, no one will know you or me or the last text i sent you or the fourteen hour video call, but it's nice to think we have infinity. forever with you isnt long enough and im sorry that im so wishy washy when it comes to speaking and i know im small and im not very loud but i would write it in the sky for you if i could, let the world know just how mine you are, how much of my soul loves yours, how much of my heart beats for you. my whole heart beats for you.