My foot has landed
on an unknown pebble
of information;
it rolls underfoot and
I tilt back with
a blinding blast
of panic.
Up is down
and down is
horizontal as I
tumble down the
s --
    t --
        a --
             i --
                 r --
                      s --
I've been so
p  a  i  n  s  t  a  k  i  n  g  l  y
climbing.
I land in a
knot of shock and grief
a mere
couple of steps from
the very bottom,
the very beginning.
Familiar
hurt, confusion, and anger
twist and turn
around me in
a smothering weave
that settles over
my senses.

I wish I didn't know this unwelcome cloak.

I wish I didn't have to know how to remove it, inch by inch.

I wish I didn't have to move past
midnight talks
and
midday laughs
and
frequent promises
to be
"BFFs".

I wish I didn't have to let you go.