My body is freezing
Even under three blankets
And I can't stop shivering
Regardless of the heat

When I'm home my stomach burns
As if I have the flu
But this nauseousness is
Much more complicated

I'm avoiding eating
To try and function through the day
Without feeling like
My stomach is in my throat

I'm so ******* scared
Because my next decision
Could either ruin my life
Or be the hardest benefit to it

Am I really giving up my safety
Tied together with a ring
To follow the intense feeling
Of a flame that burned me years ago?

I am so ******* scared
Because I may have wasted two years
Because I don't know how to feel
Because I don't know how to understand myself

I may have wasted two years of her life
When she's done nothing but love me unconditionally
And I've broken her a million times already

Because she feels the wings of a million butterflies
And I don't

She wants to marry me
And I don't feel the same

She's so ******* innocent
And I am so bad

I can choose what's easy
and have to face this again later

Or I can run away now
And hope I don't die